Thanks to French Club….

… for giving me nearly unlimited funds to plan a cheese tasting event! Stefania said “Brett, you like cheese, you like French, you’ll help me if I ask nicely, please take this money and do something good with it!” and I said… BUT UHHH COURSE. We took a trip to New Seasons and were actually those kids in a candy store but lemme aks, would you rather be a kid in a candy store or a 20 year old in New Seasons…? With money that you get to spend that isn’t yours (but isn’t stolen either, eating ch33z with stolen money = probably GI problems). Knowing that the cheese stand was the last place to go, we lapped around and picked up some crackxas, some baguettes and other crusty french breads with different names, and strolled ourselves over to the cheese counter where I said “Hey yo we have $$$ and we need to spend it all aka plz help us clean you out of stock.” We had already picked up an ovation Brie (srsly thank you NOT président brie again…) and proceeded to purchase:

  • a cheap camembert (but no judging, dis is murrrca)
  • 2 wedges brébirousse d’argental
  • bucheron
  • taleggio (yeah it’s italian, eat me)
  • st. nectaire (ain’t got no reblochon ): )
  • Bleu d’auvergne
  • fxxxn real roquefort (and it was like eeensy and sspensive)
  • Ossau-Iraty
  • and Humboldt Fog because c’mon, we live in Oregon so representImage

And there we have the table. What a happy table, to be laden with cultured creams from at least 3 different species of animal. And don’t EVEN forget about the dalmatia fig spread and sour cherry jam that we splurged on because everyone always ogles them when they walk by the new seasons cheeses but the cheese is already prohibitively esspensif so splurging on gddm fruit spread at the same time is like violently asphyxiating your wallet but that is exactament what we did that day. All dat cheese got eaten, I tried allodat too, it was a good time. Like people showed up and enjoyed themselves and for several seconds, it really felt like I had impacted apathetic college students in during their busy and dark november night. PEOPLE LIKE CHEESE!Image

Mrrrrr urmpurturternlerr, THA CHEE SESSSSS. Full disclosure, I was not a fan of the brébirousse (the orange rind that also happens to be the cover photo uh dis blog). I got it because orange is cool but then the cheese was a little to gummy/chalky/dirt tasting to be one of my favorites. The bucheron, directly below the brébirousse, is a soft goat’s milk cheese that i rrike more than regular chèvre because the outer cheese part tastes like a cross between fontina and melted gruyère which I’m not mad about. And the inside was like “hey im from a goat” so its a perfect grab bag. The taleggio (brown crusty death looking friend) is STAYNKY and dericious, like srs cream and salt factor happening there. The rind actually is neither chalky nor disgusting, and I immensely enjoyed the spreading process and eating process with the taleggio. It’s like a better brie IMO. Right next to taleggio is the st. nectaire, which was my very sufficient stand-in for reblochon that couldn’t make it that night. The SN is an uncooked cow’s cheese that says “eat me because: I’m creamy and retain my form, I am like the love child of havarti and gouda (!!!!), and I have mild hints of mushrooms and hazelnuts.” That plate of taleggio and SN probs wins best plate at the table award. Right next door we have our Bleuuu d’auvergne, which was like a milder than roquefort but still very salty and moldy and could maybe take the place of smelling salts? It was surprisingly spreadable and I dint mind atall. If we had been letting our wino alter-egos out we woulda been sporting some chateau st. michelle riesling or some rillll strong red. To the right of the Bleu is the Ossau-Iraty which I purchased because talk about a french name! The O-I is a hard sheep’s milk cheese and reminded me of pecorino cheese but the O-I was mildly mildly softer and mildly mildly less salty than pecorino. It got devoured way fast so I can confidently say that the O-I was palate-ally accessible and pleasing to the crowd. Right below the O-I was our very own baby wedge of Roquefort, just dripping with france and mold. Dank and all its connotations would be correct in describing that cheese. And then the plate above the two bleus and the O-I held the Humboldt Fog, which I have previously dedicated a post to, and the ovation brie that was just a damn fine brie and got eat way fast. Brie is cool and stuff but I hate to say that I think I’m over it, at least for the moment. Next to eat is some brie noir because mmmmm darker older crumblier brie?? Not scared and not mad.

Gooooood cheezing

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